


Before all I heard was silence

by BurnInFlames



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bipolar Ian, Confident Mickey, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mickey is comfortable with being gay, Shy Ian, roommates to friends to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-05 15:34:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11016351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurnInFlames/pseuds/BurnInFlames
Summary: Ian is now 27 and has lost all direction with his life and has given up on everything because he feels like he missed out due to dealing with his disorder. Mandy has had enough of Ian being down about himself and takes steps to get Ian back out in the world again and make him see that life is worth living. She knows Mickey needs a roommate so decides Ian will move in regardless if Mickey or Ian like it or not. Ian finds things in his life change and is glad he went along with Mandy's idea.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My stories aren't even original anymore because I keep writing them in the same setting. I guess gay bar AU's are now my favourite thing to write because I just want what we never got in the show. I've tried to write more multi chapters like the few long multi chapters I have written but I guess I am trying too hard so just need to relax and go with it.
> 
> Also in this story Mickey is 28. I think there is a year in age difference between them in the show but I don't care about the show anymore.
> 
> Title taken from 'Symphony' by Clean Bandit and Zara Larsson.

Ian just thought this whole idea was bad and would go wrong in so many ways and he really wished he never listened to Mandy when she told him about it a few days ago. Mandy was his best friend since he was fifteen and she was always there for him especially through the early days of his bipolar diagnosis. But fast forward twelve years later and Ian just felt like he didn't know what to do anymore.

He was still living at home and felt like his life was going nowhere especially since his siblings had moved on with their lives and seemed to have forgotten about him in the process. Ian didn't really see what he had to live for anymore. It was nothing to do with his disorder as his meds were fine and he was stable but he just felt stuck and that life had passed him by while he came to terms with his disorder.

He just felt like he was meant to be alone and that he needed a change which was probably why he went along with Mandy's idea of moving into Mickey's apartment on the north side. Ian didn't really know Mickey at all but it looked like he would since he just got a job at the same bar where Mickey worked and now he was going to live with the guy too.

They were both in Mickey's apartment and had just finished moving the last of Ian's stuff into his new room. When they finished Ian walked out the bedroom in his new apartment and went to the kitchen for a glass of water shouting "still don't think this is a good idea Mandy" loudly and with nothing but doubt in his voice. He grabbed two glasses of water and walked over to the sofa and sat beside Mandy handing her a glass of water while looking at her telling her "I don't think this is a good idea at all, Mickey probably doesn't want anyone living with him and he will freak when he comes home and sees I'm practically living here" firmly.

Mandy scoffed and sat sideways to look at Ian replying "my brother is barely able to pay the fucking rent, you're doing him a favour by moving in with him" firmly. Ian still wasn't convinced "I don't really know him, I only met him those few times over at your house, and he works at the bar but he's on different shifts to me so haven't really talked to him yet" firmly. Mandy rolled her eyes "he wont care once he finds out you're paying half the rent, you'll be helping him out and he can help you out" lightly.

Ian frowned now feeling hurt asking "the fucks that supposed to mean" defensively. There was silence as Ian wondered something asking "you did tell him Mandy, he did agree to this didn't he" not sure if he even wanted to know the answer. Mandy drank her water while looking at the ground as Ian pushed "you didn't tell him did you" angrily as he stared at her.

Mandy grimaced as she put the glass on the table in front of her while biting her lip hating that Ian always asked the right questions which was something she hated a lot. Mandy noticed Ian tense up as she softly sighed before hesitating and telling him "don't bite my head off but no I didn't" softly knowing she had her reasons why she said nothing to Mickey.

Ian eyes widened in shock almost hissing "the fuck Mandy, he doesn't know" angrily feeling so pissed off at his best friend. Mandy shrank back into her seat seeing how angry Ian was hesitantly replying "I knew he would say no, I was hoping if you were already moved in he wouldn't mind and I could make him see that you being here was a good idea" firmly.

There was another silence as she shrank under Ian's angry stare before she shrugged her shoulder muttering "plus your Southside so he might not mind since you're not a Northside asshole, that's half the reason why he wont rent the room out" shyly. Ian heard it while still glaring at her and he hated that he wasn't really angry anymore replying "if he throws me out I've nowhere to go, this was all your idea" softly.

Mandy sighed feeling the anger leave her body and she felt like shit too shyly replying "don't be mad at me but were you really happy back home with Fiona, I just thought with your new job and somewhere new to live you would be happier and I'm really sorry, I thought this would be good for you" genuinely and it showed on her face too. It was why Ian could no longer be mad at her as he looked at the floor knowing she had a point but he was still reluctant to go invading Mickey's private space.

He knew she wasn't wrong sadly replying "kind of hated living back home, ever since this disorder raised its ugly head I just feel like I've missed out on life, never really got to do things other people my age did since I was trying to get stable and being in denial about being bipolar for those first few years was the worst" softly. Mandy leaned forward resting her hand on Ian's arm replying "this is your chance, you've got a job now and yeah you'll have to put up with my idiot brother here but at least you wont be around Fiona's shit, don't need her dragging you down just so she can feel better about herself" firmly.

Ian nodded knowing Mandy was right replying "yeah was getting sick of her attitude, she wasn't happy about me moving up here" softly. Mandy scoffed "my fucking point exactly" icily. Ian softly laughed as he looked at Mandy and realizing something asking "Mickey will kill me if he finds out I'm gay" softly. Mandy laughed while punching Ian on the shoulder replying "he works in a gay bar, why the fuck would he kill you" humouredly.

Ian rubbed the spot on his arm replying "that hurt" not hiding the pain in his voice. There was a silence before he added "anyway straight guys work in gay bars too you know" in a mocking tone. Ian continued to ignore Mandy grinning at him with a smirk on her face hating that she looked like she knew something before he told her "he went on fag bashes, I heard the fucking rumors" lightly.

Mandy rolled her eyes replying "yeah because Terry made him before he got himself killed eight years ago" in a monotone voice. Ian didn't really know about that or remember it since he was struggling with his disorder all those years ago as he asked "what happened to Mickey, I know he disappeared" curiously. Mandy softly laughed looking at her friend in disbelief "you didn't hear about him coming out in front of Terry in the Alibi" curiously.

Ian moved sideways on the sofa replying "don't really remember, maybe you told me and I forgot" not able to hide the self loathing in his voice about that day so long ago. Mandy lightly kicked Ian on the shin and when he looked at her she muttered "what did I tell you about this self loathing shit" softly. Ian rolled his eyes hating that she knew him so well replying "to not do it" softly.

Mandy grinned at him before adding "when Terry tried to get him to kill some gay guy that lived in a different neighbourhood, guess Mickey finally had enough and just told Terry to fuck off when he just got out of prison and was looking for a fight and didn't deny it when Terry called him a fag too" softly. Ian laughed "guess he got it" lightly. Mandy scoffed "yeah Terry just didn't expect Mickey fight back and Terry got landed back in prison and got himself killed a few months later not that anyone cared" softly.

Now that Ian thought about it he made the connection asking "Mickey disappeared after that, didn't see him around" curiously. Mandy lightly kicked him again grinning at him "ah you noticed that did you" teasingly. Ian softly laughed and rolled his eyes replying "hard not to" not adding he had a crush on Mickey but Mandy didn't need to know that at all. Mandy shrugged her shoulder replying "yeah he left, decided he was getting out of the shithole, got himself a job up here and moved here too, didn't want to be around when Terry got back out so he left and moved here and didn't move back when Terry got killed" softly.

Ian felt a tinge of envy wishing he had done the same but he spent too long feeling like he wasn't good enough asking "so he's been here ever since" softly. Mandy nodded "yeah, he got rid of all that internalized homophobic bullshit Terry put in his head when he realized no one up here gave a shit who he liked and its about fucking time too" firmly. Ian softly smiled but it was gone as quick as it was there before he mumbled "you think he will be okay with me living here" hesitantly.

Mandy scoffed "when he realizes he wont be spending more time at the bar than he does here he wont fucking mind" firmly. Ian laughed hoping Mandy was right because even though he had only been here a few hours he felt like he was home and he didn't really want to leave either. There was a silence before Ian looked away from her stumbling over the words "its just no one knows I'm gay Mandy, only you do, not even my family do, I guess I never really came to terms with it since the bipolar showed up first and I never really admitted it to myself either" shyly.

Mandy lightly elbowed him as she looked at him "Mickey wont care and we've dealt with the bipolar and he wont care about that either so start living your life and stop being afraid, if Mickey can do it then so can you" firmly. Ian nodded knowing she had a point but it was just so hard when his family judged him on his disorder and nothing else. He also felt like Mandy didn't really get it at all because she was straight and didn't have a mental disorder so he didn't say anything more and changed the conversation.

* * *

 

Mickey had just finished his shift at the bar and he couldn't wait to get home to his apartment. He was over worked the last few days taking on too many shifts to try and make this months rent for his two bedroom apartment that he was still denying to himself that he couldn't afford for much longer. He really didn't want to give it up but ever since his roommate left six months ago to move to another state he was looking at smaller apartments but they were complete rat infested dumps.

His house back in the Southside was cleaner and there was no way he was moving back there even though Terry was long dead. Mickey thought that place would kill him so when Terry got landed in prison again after trying to force Mickey into killing a couple of gays that in Terry's words 'no one would miss' Mickey had enough of Terry's brand of homophobia. It took a long time for Mickey to be okay with being gay but that night in the Alibi with Terry freshly released from prison and looking for a fight Mickey decided he had enough and stood up to Terry.

When Terry got landed in prison Mickey couldn't live in Terry's cage anymore so he left and moved to the northside and got a job and an apartment. He had been living here for eight years and it was only in the last few years Mickey felt like he was free and got rid of the homophobic bullshit Terry spewed for years out of his head.

As Mickey walked home he wondered if he should get another room mate but he didn't like a lot of these north side assholes and he could barely tolerate them never mind live with one of them too. He decided to ignore Mandy telling him he could afford the apartment if he rented out the other room. No way in hell was he renting out the room to some stranger he didn't know and would probably turn out to be an asshole and a homophobic one at that too.

Mickey put with Terry's homophobic bullshit for long enough when he lived with his father so no way was he putting up with it from some random stranger in his home. He decided he would find a way to stay in his apartment because he would rather live on the streets before going back to live in the hell that was his home back in Southside.

As he shut the door of his apartment behind him he noticed Mandy sitting on the sofa talking to a red head that looked familiar. He locked the door before he walked over to his sister glaring at her asking "the fuck you want" icily. Mandy rolled her eyes at him replying "sorting your fucking rent problem" harshly. Mickey ignored her as he quietly looked at the red head sitting beside her looking like he wanted to be anywhere else but on the sofa in front of him if the way he was shrinking back into the sofa was anything to go by.

Mickey recognized him straight away as the new bar staff where he worked blurting out "Gallagher" with a blank expression. Ian stared back while rolling the fabric of his hoodie between his fingers tightly snipping "Milkovich" keeping his expression blank. Mickey slightly smirked in amusement thinking if Ian was his rent problem solution then he was all for it and probably more from the looks of it as he looked over Ian slowly in appreciation before looking at Ian in the eyes replying "the fuck you doing here" in amusement.

Ian noticed the way Mickey was looking all over him and laughed deciding he needed more water as he stood up and grabbed the empty glass off the table before walking past Mickey and into the kitchen not even noticing Mickey looking over his shoulder and appreciating the behind view of Ian walking away. Mandy did notice and kicked her brother on the shin hissing "could you be any more fucking obvious" icily.

Mickey laughed and sat down replying "fuck you bitch" lightly. Mickey looked over at the kitchen shouting "Ian get me a beer from the fridge" loudly. Mandy looked confused glaring at her brother "how did you know him" curiously. Mickey didn't get to answer as Ian sat between them handing both a bottle of beer as he looked at Mandy "we work together and I remember him from around your house too in a permanent bad mood" lightly.

Mickey softly laughed knowing that wasn't a lie replying "yeah with Terry around you'd be in a bad mood too" lightly. Ian looked over at him replying "probably" lightly while trying to ignore the way Mickey's shoulder brushed against his own. Mickey smirked as he drank his beer almost wishing Mandy would leave so he could be all over Ian instead as ever since he saw him all those years ago he had the biggest crush on Ian.

Mickey didn't do relationships, he just did one night stands and it was never in his apartment but he thought he may change all his rules for Ian. Mickey tried not to notice how close Ian was sitting beside him and tried to ignore that their shoulders were almost touching as he asked "so what did Mandy drag you here for" curiously. Mandy sat up in her seat and looked at her brother quipping "Ian here is your new room mate" firmly with a grin on her face.

Mickey glared at her before silently looking at Ian thinking he wouldn't mind Ian living with him at all or Ian in his bed but he pushed that last thought away. They were both from the same place just a few streets away from each other and he knew Ian through Mandy for years. As Mandy looked at her brother and his blank expression she though he would say no so added "come on you need help with the rent and you know it and Ian needs a place of his own, Fiona's driving him insane" stopping herself before she said more that Ian wouldn't want her to say.

If Mickey was honest there was no way he would say no to Ian living with him because he had a crush on the guy for years ever since he realized he was gay. And puberty had been good to Ian which didn't help those feelings go away, it just made them more intense. But he also loved pissing his sister off telling her "told you I wasn't giving the room away" firmly.

Mandy looked angry snarling "what the fuck, why are you such an asshole, he will pay half your fucking rent and you wont spend more time at work than here" angrily. Mickey shrugged his shoulder looking at Ian not hiding the amusement from his eyes and almost smiled when Ian looked at him and softly laughed. Mickey knew Ian had the same sense of humour from their brief interaction at work so this was another reason why he would let Ian stay here.

He looked at Mandy while shrugging his shoulder replying "I like my own space, the fuck can I say" lightly. Ian laughed and lightly nudged Mickey with his elbow as he looked at Mandy adding "he's got a point, I like my space too and this place is small" lightly. Mandy was speechless as she looked between them before forcing "I'm trying to fucking help you both" angrily. Ian bit his lip and looked down at his hands resting in his lap so she wouldn't see him laugh.

Mickey drank his beer before muttering "never fucking asked you to" lightly. Mandy wasn't above begging asking "come on just let him live here, give him a month and he will be gone if you don't like it" pleadingly. Ian couldn't stop himself from laughing before looking at Mickey pleading "yeah please" humouredly. Mickey narrowed his eyes at Ian but slightly smiled at him replying "nope" firmly.

Mandy grunted deciding she had enough almost hissing "fuck you asshole" as she stood up and walked past them towards the door. Mickey groaned and looked over at her shouting "fine he can stay, I was joking, he can stay" loudly. Mandy stood at the door glaring over at them silently deciding she had better things to do before scoffing "good, well I'm out of here, see you later losers" grumpily.

Before she had the chance to walk out the door Mickey glared at her "hey give me your fucking key" icily. Mandy glared back at him slightly shaking her head hissing "why" icily. Mickey was done holding back on what had been annoying him for years and snarled "because I fucking said so and I'm sick of you walking in here like you own the fucking place when you dont even live here and don't even think about picking the locks" angrily.

Mandy was still glaring at him deciding she had enough and pulled the key out of her pocket and threw it at Mickey but it missed and landed on the floor beside the sofa as she hissed "fuck you asshole, keep your fucking key" angrily before opening the door left the apartment slamming the door behind her figuring that was her job done for the day. Both Ian and Mickey watched her leave as Mickey scoffed muttering "yeah go goodbye you asshole" lightly noticing he was glad she left.

Ian laughed as he looked at Mickey who raised his eyebrow as he looked at Ian asking "something funny to you" lightly. Ian bit down his grin shaking his head "no" not hiding the amusement from his voice. Mickey got up off the sofa and picked the key up from the floor and grabbed the remote off the table and switched on the TV before he sat back down feeling glad he would have no more surprise visits from Mandy. Ian asked shyly "so you okay with me renting the room" hesitantly.

Mickey rolled his eyes having a feeling that since his sister was part of this that Ian was already moved in and looked at Ian asking "I take it Mandy moved you in already" curiously. Ian looked sheepish and nodded as he looked away mumbling "yeah she told me you said it was okay, I didn't know you didn't know until I had moved in" softly. Mickey laughed in disbelief replying "that's my fucking sister but you know her long enough at this stage to know what she is like" humouredly.

Ian softly laughed replying "yeah" lightly. As they watched TV in silence Mickey elbowed Ian softly in the ribs and when Ian looked at him he told him "you can stay if you want, don't have to go" silently hoping Ian wouldn't leave because he saw how uncomfortable Ian was since he got home. Ian grinned at him and relaxed replying "I'll stay" firmly. Mickey threw the key that was still in his hand into Ian's lap replying "good" before they fell into easy conversation both of them not knowing the other was thinking they would enjoy their new living arrangements.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written this story with the idea of that Terry was never really around that much to drill so much homophobia into Mickey as there is in canon.

Ian was in the middle of a shift at the bar and was clearing glasses off the bartop wishing he could just go home but since Mickey was working with him too he figured it wasn't so bad. Mandy who was sitting on the other side of the bar in front of him with a beer in her hand asked "so you haven't killed my brother yet" humouredly. Ian slightly laughed as he stopped what he was doing to look at her replying "no not yet" humouredly not adding he probably never would either.

Mandy looked at him with a smirk as she sipped her beer before replying "so you don't want to move out, he hasn't made you want to run for the hills" lightly. Ian laughed as he put the dirty glasses onto the rack for the dishwasher replying "no and he isn't that bad" not adding I like living with your brother a lot. He also didn't tell her that all they had been doing was getting to know each other by sharing weed, beer, watching movies and a lot of heavy flirting since he moved in a month ago.

Mandy rolled her eyes replying "if you say so" in a disbelieving tone. Ian softly laughed again as he cleaned down the bar top with a wet cloth telling her "he's a good friend Mandy, doesnt give a shit about my disorder or anything, you were right about everything" softly. Mandy smirked at him again telling him "told you so" in a knowing tone. Ian also decided it wouldnt be a good idea to tell her they had now moved into flirting territory because he didnt know how she would react and he was afraid she would tell him it wasnt a good idea.

Everything she had told him about her brother being emotionally closed off and gaurded seemed like it was a lie because Mickey had no problem talking to him about things at all. Ian figured maybe it was just him that Mickey was willing to let in past those defences and Ian didnt really want to ruin that and he liked Mickey too especially now that they were sort of flirting all the time.

Ian had noticed that way Mickey leaned against him and put his arms around him and looked out for him too at the bar especially when creepy way too old guys hit on him occasionally. He never really thought much of it since it started happening but it just intensified the growing crush that Ian had on Mickey but he was afraid those feelings werent returned and the mutual flirting just left him confused.

Ian was broken from his thoughts when he heard Mandy ask "get me another beer would you" firmly. Ian rolled his eyes as he turned around and got a beer from the fridge and opened the bottle before putting it in front of Mandy replying "since you asked so nicely" firmly. Mandy just grinned at him before drinking her beer when Mickey walked over to them and put his arm over Ian's shoulders and standing right up against his side asking "is my sister bothering you" lightly.

Ian softly laughed and crossed his arms over his chest hiding his amusment by looking downwards as Mandy glared at Mickey almost hissing "fuck you" angrily. She looked over at Ian asking "am I bothering you Ian" in a warning tone that implied you better say no to that question. Ian smirked and shook his head still looking downwards trying his best not to lean into Mickey who seemed to be now glued to his side and Ian could feel eveything not that he cared at all.

Ian tried to ignore the body heat coming from Mickey and the arm that currently resting across his shoulders and he swore he could feel Mickey move a little closer to him too if that was even possible. Ian felt Mickey's breath on his face and glanced to the side to see Mickey looking right at him curiously asking "well is she" lightly. Ian faltered as he failed in his attempt to not lean into his friend's warm body heat and was surprised when Mickey pulled him closer so Ian looked at him replying "nope" firmly.

Mickey slightly laughed replying "let me know if she does and I'll throw her out" humoredly. Mandy glared at him and reached across the bar to punch her brother on the arm hissing "fuck you too" icily. Mickey laughed flipping the middle finger at her with his other hand "yeah whatever, leave if you dont like it" lightly. Mandy groaned muttering "dont know how you put up with this asshole Ian" icily.

Ian heard it and looked up at her replying "very easily" and he felt surprised at how easy it was for him to say because it was the truth. Ever since he moved in and got to know Mickey better he loved living with Mickey a lot and he did wonder if Mickey felt more for him too but Ian was afraid to make the first move. But if the way Mickey kept looking at him longingly, putting his arm around and leaning against him like the way he was right now was anything to go by then Ian thought he may have had a chance.

But he didnt want to ruin it all by telling Mickey he liked him more than a friend and had actually feelings for him too. Mandy grinned at them both before quipping "so Ian, what about setting you up with a guy" with a grin on her face. Ian didnt notice the quick look of panic mixed with insecurity flash across Mickey's face but he did feel Mickey tense beside him as he just looked at Mandy making sure he looked uninterested as he told her "yeah not really interested in anyone, I told you that already" firmly.

Mandy narrowed her eyes at him as Mickey added "leave him the fuck alone Mandy" firmly knowing that this was a sore spot for Ian who had told him why one night when they were at home alone. Mickey had it with Mandy and her pushiness especially with the way Ian looked so uncomfortable and had tensed up and he knew Mandy had hit a sore spot for Ian. So he told Mandy angrily "back the fuck off" icily.

It worked as Mandy leaned back and held her hands up in surrender replying "okay calm the fuck down" lightly wondering why they were both freaking out in front of her at just a suggestion. She added "didnt mean anything by it, was just joking" lightly. Mickey almost growled at her with a cool glare "yeah well fucking dont alright" harshly not hiding the protectiveness in his voice. Ian lightly nudged Mickey in his stomach with his elbow as he looked at him replying "its okay, really it is" softly.

Mickey looked at Ian and saw he meant it but he also noticed the faint sadness in Ian's eyes that Mandy didnt seem to notice at all but Mickey figured there was a lot that Ian hadnt told Mandy over the years. He knew from his talks with Ian that Mandy didnt know just how lost and alone that Ian felt all the time and Ian felt like there was no hope for him at all. Mandy noticed Ian looked uncomfortable and she hated she upset Ian so told him "I'm sorry, I was just trying to help, just dont want you to be alone" softly.

Mickey rubbed the back of Ian's shoulders with his hand supportively as he glared at his sister not able to stop himself from snapping "well fucking dont, go set yourself up with someone if its bothering you that much, not everyone is into the whole relationship thing like you are, some people actually like being alone" angrily. When Ian didnt say anything to disagree with Mickey and just looked at the floor Mandy frowned as she asked "but seriously Ian have I been pushing you on this too much" firmly.

Ian faltered not really knowing what to say hesitantly blurting out "you have been pushing the dating thing a lot lately and its a bit much since I'm not ready" softly not adding there already is one person I am interested in and he's right beside me too. Mandy looked visibly hurt retorting "you know what fuck you both, especially you Ian since I was just trying to help" angrily and she hoped they didnt notice the hurt in her voice before she walked away from the bar. Ian felt bad now and looked up shouting "fuck, wait Mandy" but she didnt turn back so he walked into the office beside the bar and slammed the door behind him not knowing how he was going to fix this mess.

* * *

 

He didnt have to wait too long before Mickey came into the room and closed the door and leaned against it asking "you okay" softly. Ian was pacing the room with hands behind his head replying "no, I shouldnt have left it like that" softly. Mickey stepped closer to Ian replying "she'll get over it" softly. Ian disagreed as he leaned against the table and looked at Mickey replying "you dont get it" softly. Mickey walked over to where Ian and stood in front of him asking "so tell me" curiously.

Ian gripped the edge of the table with his hands looking at the floor almost whispering "as you know Mandy has been pushing setting me up with someone for years but I told her I wasnt interested but she doesnt know that I feel I'm always going to be alone, that no one will ever want me that way especially when they find out I'm bipolar, you know how shallow some people can be" softly.

Mickey knew that last bit was true but he didnt say anything as he looked at Ian with a neutral expression and remained on the spot to give Ian some space as they fell into a silence. Ian swallowed the build up of saliva in his mouth as he looked at the floor "just that no one wants to deal with that shit you know, its different for Mandy since she's my best friend but there will always be a distance, there will always be things she doesnt get" softly.

Ian stood up and ran his hand through his hair tensely muttering "fuck I'm not even explaning it right" tiredly as he tried to get his thoughts to make sense. Ian was just fed up of being alone and it didnt help that the one person he wanted was right in front of him in this room and he was too scared to take the chance and admit his feelings for his friend who Ian knew he was much closer to than Mandy.

Mickey stepped closer to Ian and rested his hands on Ian's hips lightly squeezing them as he looked at Ian asking "so try" softly. Ian looked over to the side of the room away from Mickey before letting out a tense sigh and looked at Mickey almost whispering "just that its easier with you, you get the whole gay thing and the bipolar" softly as the sentence fell away.

Ian rubbed his eyes with his fingers before looking downwards adding "I love Mandy, she's my best friend but sometimes I feel like she is trying to live my life for me, she talked me into moving in with you and I love living with you but" and Ian didnt know what to say as his thoughts became jumbled up again. Mickey slightly smiled completely getting it asking "but you just felt pushed into it because she thinks she is helping" lightly.

Ian bit down a small grin on his face as he shyly looked up replying "yeah, I mean she really helped with that and I'm really happy since I moved in but I just feel like saying and its awful but I feel like I dont need her as much as I did before you know, that I'm ready to take charge of my own life" softly. Mickey pulled Ian closer to him not looking away replying "so tell her that, she'll get it, fuck knows how many times I've had to tell her to back the fuck off" firmly.

Ian groaned "she probably wont talk to me now" softly. Mickey rolled his eyes replying "she'll go calm down and sober up a bit and lick her wounds for a while and realize she flew off the handle a bit, its what she does" firmly. Ian softly laughed "I hope so" lightly. Mickey lightly pushed Ian away with his hands before grabbing his tshirt and pulled Ian closer to him replying "she's probably more pissed at me than you so you'll be fine" firmly.

Ian stepped closer to Mickey and rested his hands on his hips mumbling "better not tell her youre my best friend more than she is" humoredly. Mickey softly laughed looking straight at Ian "best not tough guy, I cant help you out with that if you do" lightly. They silently looked at each other and Mickey noticed the way Ian's eyes were looking all over his face and he really wanted to kiss Ian as they stepped right up against each other.

Ian leaned his forehead against Mickey's and was about to kiss his friend when the door opened and a co worker told Mickey to get back to work and for Ian to take his break. They both groaned at the disruption before Mickey slightly laughed as he silently looked at Ian quipping "guess we'll finsh this later" flirtatiously before walking past Ian and leaving the room. Ian watched him leave deciding to go find Mandy and talk to her before she left for the night.

* * *

 

He found Mandy sitting at one of the tables in the corner of the room and sat beside her genuinely blurting out "I'm sorry Mandy" firmly. Mandy looked over at him with a cold expression and despite seeing Ian's genuineness almost hissed "all I ever did was try to help you" angrily. Ian noticed Mandy still looked pissed off at him but as he walked over to her he also noticed she looked sad and hurt too and he hated that he made her feel that way.

Mandy didnt stop there as she glared at the table "no one else was there for you like I was, I fucking helped you and I swore to you I always fucking would Ian so fuck you for throwing that in my face" angrily. Ian looked visibily hurt and regretful knowing he deserved that replying "I know and I'm really sorry and I didnt mean for it to come across that way" sincerely.

Mandy looked over at him and saw he meant it whispering "apology accepted but do that again and I wont be so easy on you" harsly. Ian nodded and didnt look away replying "I know and I appreciate that you did that for me and still do" firmly. Ian knew Mickey was right and he needed to say this to her as he hesitated and Mandy noticed Ian's uneasiness so told him "I'm not mad anymore so just tell me" firmly.

Ian looked up at her forcing out "I'm a lot happier now since I moved in with Mickey and I know I have you to thank for that but I just need you to back off a little and let me live my life, I'm okay now and I need to learn to stand on my own you know" softly. Mandy silently looked at him realizing she was a little over bearing as she told him "I get it but I just care about you, I love you since youre my best fucking friend, I just want you to be happy and I'm sorry for pushing you into stuff you arent ready for" firmly.

Ian felt relieved she didnt take it badly replying "its okay, I just didnt know how to tell you, I just didnt want to upset you" softly. Mandy rolled her eyes "its fine but next time just fucking say it, dont pull shit like that with my brother" firmly. Ian looked at her as he nodded "yeah I will and I'm sorry again" softly. Mandy looked at him as she scoffed "its more Mickey I'm pissed off at anyway" softly.

They silently looked at each other before laughing as Ian realized Mickey was right about who Mandy was really pissed off at as he asked "we okay now" softly. Mandy nodded "yeah we're fine" before she hugged him and told him she was tired and going home for the night.

* * *

 

Later that night Mickey and Ian were back in their apartment washing up after they finished eating left over food that was in the fridge when Mickey asked "so you talk to Mandy" curiously. Ian leaned against the sink and crossed his arms over his chest replying "yeah, I told her I just needed her to let me live my life for myself, I didnt tell her I didnt need her as much but she got it and said she was just trying to help me and would back off, we're okay now" firmly.

Mickey finished his bottle of beer and put in the bin as Ian looked over at Mickey telling him "she told me she was more pissed off at you" humoredly. Mickey laughed as he walked over to where Ian was standing and told him "told you, I know my fucking sister" lightly. There was a short silence as Ian looked at the floor blurting out "I told her since I moved in here its the happiest I've been in a long time" firmly.

Mickey walked over to lean against the sink but turned to face Ian and stepped closer to him asking "really" softly. Ian nodded before "yeah, just feel like I have a reason to live, that my life isnt over you know, that I'm not missing out on shit and stuff like that" shyly. Mickey felt the words crash into him as he looked at Ian so he wrapped his arm around Ian and pulled him closer but he didnt know what to say and blurted out "that's good" softly even though he felt like an idiot for saying only two words to Ian's confession.

Ian softly smiled and stepped closer to Mickey and pressed himself right against Mickey's chest as they fell into a comfortable silence. Ian rested his head against Mickey's before whispering "you know I didnt actually tell her there was a guy I was interested in" softly. Mickey didnt know what to say as he softly cleared his throat hoping his insecurity didnt show as he asked "oh yeah" curiously as he thought this was where Ian named some other guy.

Ian nodded as he tightly gripped the worktop he was leaning against with his hands before finding the courage to look over at his friend replying "didnt tell her that I feel more comfortable with you, that I feel more closer to you" softly. Mickey remained silent as he looked over Ian before he moved to stand in front of Ian between his legs and leaned right up against Ian in their small kitchen and placed his hands on top of Ian's as he looked downwards whispering "youre my best friend Ian, never had any friends before but I want more with you" wondering why he decided to be honest and was just waiting for the rejection.

When he felt Ian rest his hand on the back of his neck and pull him closer to so they were chest to chest he looked up wondering how he ended up pressed tight against Ian who had now stood up straight replying "I want more with you too" softly. Mickey almost didnt hear Ian's admission but when he felt Ian kiss him intensely he knew he heard it and kissed Ian back with just as much intensity.

He pushed Ian back against the sink where they kissed until they were out of breath and silently looked at each other while their hands roamed all over each others bodies before Mickey softly laughed asking "so uh, I guess I'm the guy youre interested in" shyly and almost sighing in relief. Ian was surprised at how shy Mickey now was in front him as he grinned and slightly nodded before he looked to the ground.

He bit down the smile on his face before looking up at Mickey whispering "yeah" shyly. Mickey didnt look away from Ian and slid his hands under Ian's tshirt running them along his ribs feeling the warmth of Ian's skin under his hands while he scoffed "fucking finally, wanted you like this for fucking years, flirting with me for the last month was pissing me off" not even caring he just admitted to that all.

Ian softly laughed as he slid his hand under the back of Mickey's tshirt replying "yeah I've wanted you for the last month, just thought you werent interested" shyly. Mickey slightly shook his head before he tugged at Ian's tshirt to pull it off replying "dont really feel like talking right now" softly. Ian laughed as he let Mickey pull his shirt off before he pulled Mickey right up against him and kissed him again before Mickey grabbed his hand and led them into his bedroom for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've tried to make this a slow burn story but it didn't work, guess I'm too impatient for slow burn.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly longer chapter.

Ian walked into their apartment and shut the door before sitting on the sofa beside Mickey letting out a defeated sigh knowing he had to tell Mandy the truth. It had been a week since he got together with Mickey and he still hadn't worked up the courage to tell his best friend that he found someone who liked him back, disorder and all. Mickey who had already been sitting on the sofa smoking some weed looked over at his favourite redhead and frowned asking "the fucks up with you" curiously knowing something was up with Ian the last few days.

Ian moved so their shoulders and arms were pressed against each other before replying "still haven't told Mandy, I tried but its like the words get stuck and I doubt myself" softly. Mickey passed Ian the joint telling him "she wont care" softly. Ian rolled his eyes as he took the joint from Mickey and smoked it before handing it back as he mumbled "I know" softly.

Ian slouched down a little and stretched his legs out in front of him while resting his head on Mickey's shoulder wondering why he was so scared to tell her the truth. Ian didnt know why he hadnt told Mandy yet, he didnt know if he was afraid of her reaction or that she would tell him that it wasnt a good idea to get involved with Mickey. Ian knew that in the past Mandy had told him that Mickey was good for nothing, permanetly angry, selfish, obnoxious, emotionally closed off, defensive and definately not relationship material.

When she told Ian that information one day he just laughed at her but he also saw her point because anytime he saw Mickey in the Milkovich house he behaved exactly as Mandy described to him all those years ago. But since Ian moved in to the apartment he saw a completely different version of Mickey to the one that Mandy described. He also knew that Mickey had his reasons for being the way he was back then especially since Terry was still roaming the streets like a bad plauge that couldnt be avoided.

But ever since he moved in with Mickey he saw that the guy had completely changed from who he was back then and Ian couldnt understand how Mandy couldnt see her brother had changed since Terry got himself killed. Mickey moved closer to Ian resting his hand on the inside of Ian's thigh as he smoked some more of the weed before replying "she'll be pissed if she finds out from someone else and we aint hiding it at the bar" firmly as he remembered their heavy make out sessions in the dark corners of the bar if they were on a work break or on a night off.

Ian groaned knowing that was true as he looked up at Mickey almost growling "not helping" with no anger in his voice. Mickey scoffed as he looked at Ian mumbling "just fucking saying" firmly. Ian scoffed while taking the joint from Mickey and inhaled the last bit of it before he stubbed out in the ashtray on the table. When Mickey went to the toilet Ian lay down on the sofa realizing just how tired he felt as he rubbed his eyes knowing that Mickey was right.

If there was one thing he knew about Mandy it was that she hated being lied to and more than that when it came to him and her brother she hated finding stuff out about them from other people. Ian moved to lie on his side so his back was against the sofa and had his eyes closed when he felt Mickey lie down beside him and wrap his arms around him while softly kissing him the lips.

Ian opened his eyes as Mickey looked at him with concern on his face while he wrapped his arms around Ian pulling him close as he asked "you okay" curiously. Ian softly smiled thinking there was a day he couldnt stand that question as he slightly nodded while sliding his arm over Mickey's waist replying "yeah just tired, therapy takes it out of me sometimes, leaves me tired or sometimes gives me a headache and if its really bad then its both" softly.

Mickey pushed his leg between Ian's so they were pressed right up against each other with no space left between them on the sofa. Ian let his eyes close again while letting out a soft content sigh thinking he wouldnt mind staying in this moment forever because he always thought he would never get to have this with anyone. Mickey pushed some of Ian's hair back from his face before sliding his hand over his shoulder and down his arm and over his ribs before wrapping it around Ian's back as they both fell asleep.

* * *

 

It was another quiet night at the bar when Ian decided he was going to talk to Mandy. It was now two weeks since he got together with Mickey and he knew he had to tell her because he felt like he was just building it up in his head and the overthinking was also driving him crazy. So he decided to put himself out of his misery and sent Mandy a text to meet him when her shift at work was over.

When his shift was finished he was sitting the bar with a glass of water when Mickey walked over to him and stood beside him resting his hand between Ian's shoulder blades asking "you ready to go home" as he looked at Ian. Ian looked downwards before looking over at him replying "Mandy will here when she's finished work, just going to tell her" softly.

Mickey buried his fingers in Ian's hair on the back of his head before resting it on the back of Ian's neck replying "and if she does say bad shit to you then I'll tell her to fuck off" firmly. Ian softly laughed as he looked at Mickey with a soft smile blurting out "I know you would" shyly. Mickey ran his thumb along his bottom lip as he looked around before looking at Ian deciding that as tired as he was he wasnt letting Ian do this on his own.

Mickey realized there and then he would do anything for Ian and felt himself start to smile to which he cleared his throat and pointed over his shoulder at their usual seat telling him "so go sit over there and I'll get a beer" before kissing Ian on the forehead and walking away. Ian softly laughed to himself as he picked up his glass of water and walked over to booth in the corner of the room and sat down.

He didnt have to wait too long for Mickey sit right beside him with a bottle of beer and stretched his legs under the table as he slouched in his seat. Ian moved right up against him as Mickey looked across the room hesitantly asking "so you want to go see the movie we were on about seeing tomorrow night" curiously. Ian bit down a smile as he looked up at Mickey replying "yeah but only if we can go to that new gay club that reopened the other week, been wanting to go for a while but wanted to wait until all the fuss dies down and it wont be as busy" softly.

Mickey turned in his seat to look at Ian and realized he was falling fast for the red head and it scared the shit out of him so much but he was willing to ride that wave until it crashed into a million pieces against some rocks and eveything went to shit with Ian. He quickly shook that image and thought out of his head as he bumped Ian's shoulder with his own with a soft smirk telling him "dont see why not" softly.

Ian softly laughed as he tried to fight a grin on his face replying "thought you hated clubs" teasingly. Mickey laughed knowing that was true as he grabbed Ian's hand in his own and looked at Ian scoffing "fucking right I do" and fell silent before he shyly blurted out "but they arent so bad once youre there" so quietly Ian almost missed it. Ian nearly laughed but he held it back knowing that Micky would hate him for laughing so he lightly squeezed Mickey's hand replying "same with you" softly.

Mickey looked over at him curiously asking "yeah" softly as he drank some of his beer. Ian nodded as he bit his lip before forcing out "they have a lot of bad memories" shyly. There was silence as Ian looked at the table deciding to just say it because he was dreading Mickey finding out from someone who recognized him from his unmedicated days. He was broken from his thoughts when he heard Mickey say "you dont have to tell me if you dont want to" genuinely.

Ian shook his in disagreement "I want to" softly. Ian slightly turned in his seat to face Mickey and looked at him replying in a tone that was filled with shame and guilt "back before I got stable and was still in denial I used to party a lot, I was manic and hypersexuality is part of my disorder too which meant a lot of drugs and a lot of quick fucks too in one of the clubs not far from here, its why I never want to go there again" in a whisper.

Mickey put the bottle on the table before turning on his side to face Ian asking "but youre okay right" softly. Ian softly laughed as he looked downwards at their intertwined hands replying "yeah, was lucky I just caught an STI and nothing worse like STD's, HIV, AIDS or anything like that" softly. Mickey's curiousity got the better of him asking "did you get tested" softly. Ian looked up slightly shaking his head "yeah its a requirment when you check youself into a psychiatric hospital" softly.

Mickey rested his other hand on Ian's thigh lightly squeezing it asking "does Mandy know" curiously. Ian bitterly scoffed "yeah, I took too many drugs one night and collapsed in the toilets, I was still concious but not able to move on my own" softly. Ian remembered that night and he never felt so helpless at the time as he added "from what she told me some guy tried to take advantage of me but some other guy caught him and beat the shit out of him and stayed with me and helped me, he got my phone out of my pocket and called Mandy after I told him to call her and he stayed with me until she came and took me home" softly.

Mickey looked shocked but he hid it well and almost sighed in relief that Ian was okay not even hesitating "I'm glad you were okay, I wish I had of known but she never told me what was up with you, I didnt know" in a concerned tone while he wondered why didnt Mandy tell him all of this was going on at the time. Ian shyly looked downwards asking "I asked her not to tell anyone, didnt think anyone would care" softly.

Mickey didnt hesitate "I would have, would have beat the shit out of that fucking asshole" icily. Ian softly laughed knwoing that was true replying "I know you would" as he leaned into Mickey. Mickey wrapped his arm around Ian's shoulders realizing he felt angry at Mandy for not telling him about Ian. But there was another part of him that thought he probably wouldnt have cared since he didnt know Ian back then the way he knew Ian right now at this moment in time.

He quickly ignored that thought as he realized he would do anything protect Ian from this second on because that image of Ian lying on the floor of some bathroom strung out of it on drugs with no one to help him scared him so much. He was broken from his thoughts when he heard Ian ask "you okay" curiously. Mickey looked at him pulling Ian closer to him replying "yeah but next time something like that happens just fucking call me" not even caring that he just admitted that to Ian.

Ian shyly grinned replying "yeah I will but I dont plan on it ever happening" softly even though he knew there was a chance he could become manic again but he didnt want to think about it at all. Ian was happy for the distraction from his repetitive thoughts and rumination as Mickey asked some more question about bipolar and hypersexuality and signs to look out for in the future.

Ian almost laughed to himself and felt surprised he was able to talk about it so openly and easily to Mickey. But Ian knew Mickey was curious and just wanted to learn because he cared about him a lot. Ian knew Mickey genuinely cared about him because he didnt recieve any of the pity, unease, indifference and judgement that he received from his family years ago.

Ian was surprised at how easy it was for him to talk about what happened when he was unmedicated. He also realized how much easier it was to talk about the guilt and shame he felt from his actions but then with Mickey he felt able to talk about anything at all even about the things that he hadnt even told Mandy.

* * *

 

They could have been sitting there in their own world talking for hours before Mandy showed up and sat at the table across from them with a bottle of beer quipping "the fuck do you assholes want anyway, I'm tired from work and want to go home to bed" not hiding the tiredness from her voice. Ian looked over at her and then back at Mickey wishing he never sent that message now because those doubts he had were back again.

He felt himself start to panic and thought about changing his mind but he also just wanted to just tell Mandy and be done with it because the overthinking was stressing him out too much and he knew that could lead to another episode. Ian felt Mickey squeeze his hand again and realized they were still holding hands under the table and Mandy never noticed it either. He looked up at Mickey when he nudged his shoulder with his own and gave Ian a supportive look and Ian just felt glad for the encouragement.

Ian softly smiled at Mickey before he looked at Mandy who was staring at the table as she drank her beer in silence knowing that Ian would talk when he was ready. Ian found it strange that both siblings knew exactly when Ian was caught up in his own head with his repetitive thoughts and rumination. Both of them knew to just give Ian his space when that happened and Ian didnt know how they managed to be so patient and not get frustrated with him when he just got pissed off at himself for getting lost in his thoughts and not able to put a sentence together.

Ian took a drink of water from the glass sitting in front of him on the table as he slightly shifted in his seat forcing out "I'm seeing a guy for the last few weeks" slightly shaking his head as that wasnt what he wanted to say. Mandy looked up not hiding her surprise as she looked at Ian before smirking at him with amusment across her face deciding to just put Ian through his misery asking "oh yeah, someone I know" lightly.

Ian hated that she was looking at him like she already knew something about him and Mickey. Mickey laughed but remained silent and just drank his beer wondering how had Mandy not noticed they were glued together in their seat and holding hands under the table. If anything after that night their flirting and closeness had just gotten more obvious and he was surprised Mandy hadnt figured it out already.

Ian looked down at the table before looking over at Mickey not hiding the small smile on his face blurting out "yeah" softly. Ian looked at Mandy adding "its Mickey" softly. Mandy remained silent as she looked at them both and put her bottle on the table deciding she wasnt in the mood to drag this out the way she planned when they told her the truth. She decided to get straight to the point "I fucking knew it" lightly.

Ian's jaw dropped as Mickey almost shouted "how the fuck did you know" forcefully. Mandy laughed at their shocked faces telling them "you both are so fucking obvious" lightly. When they didnt say anything Mandy kept going adding "you both practically drool over each other and the flirting is so fucking obvious, I'm surprised it didnt happen sooner" teasingly.

Mickey glared at his sister as Ian just shrunk into his seat a little replying "sorry I didnt tell you sooner" lightly. Mandy dismissed it with a wave of her hand as she looked at Ian "its fine" genuinely because she completely understood Ian's reluctance to tell her considering they way she spoke about her brother in the past. Mickey looked over at Ian as he asked "so youre not pissed off at me" lightly.

Mandy scoffed as she glared at him almost hissing "no but you just better not hurt him you asshole or I will fucking gut you like a fish while youre still alive" threateningly. Ian softly laughed as Mickey growled back at his sister "like to see you fucking try" icily. There was a tense silence before Mickey relaxed and grabbed his beer off the table and drank it before picking at the label and staring downwards replying "I've no intention of ever hurting him" softly.

Mandy looked happy with that before she looked at Ian telling him "and the same goes for you too" icily. Ian quickly nodded as he shoved against Mickey replying "what he said" softly. Mandy looked between them both deciding she had enough fun for one night and decided to tell them the truth. She looked at them with an amused expression blurting out "also I saw you both in one of your make out sessions here one night a while back so I already knew" lightly before she laughed that their shocked faces again.

Ian looked at her asking "you already knew, why didn't you say anything" lightly. Mandy didn't look away from them as she shrugged "just figured you would both tell me when you were ready, you both looked happy and I didn't want to ruin it so I didn't bother saying anything because I'm just happy for you both" genuinely. Mickey just felt pissed off at his sister now because he knew Ian was torturing himself over this since they got together and he didn't want to start an argument but he also needed to say it too.

He stood up while glaring at Mandy telling "you already knew and didnt say anything, guess you didnt give a shit that Ian would be working himself up over about how to tell you" angrily before he walked away from the table.

After he walked away Ian looked at Mandy who looked and felt really guilty as she told him "shit, I'm sorry, I wasnt thinking about that, I just thought you wanted to see how things went before you said anything, fuck I should have known you'd be overthinking and doubting everything, I should have said something sooner but I knew you'd tell me when you were ready" sadly.

Ian shook his head in disagreement looking at her telling her "its fine Mandy, you were right about wanting to see where it went, I just thought it would be one or two fucks and then it would back to being friends but it isnt and I just really like him and just thought you'd be mad at me for some stupid reason" softly.

Ian didnt tell her that he was afraid that she would say it wasnt a good idea to get involved with Mickey and try to talk Ian out of going out with her brother. He didnt tell her all of that because she looked hurt enough already and he didnt feel like pushing the knife in some more so it was enough of an apology for Ian. There was a silence before she grinned with an amused expression before telling him "you know he was drooling over you the second he saw you when you moved in, when you went to get some beer he nearly fell over himself to get a look at you walking away" lightly.

Mickey sat back down beside Ian hissing "was fucking not" icily hating that she was right. Mandy laughed looking at her brother "sure you were" not believing a word he said since she was there when it happened. Ian softly laughed knowing he had been doing the same thing but he always waited until Mandy wasnt around to see it happen. They fell into a silence before Mandy finished off the rest of her beer and put the empty bottle on the table looking at them both "as much as I would love to talk more I'm tired and going home to bed" firmly.

She looked at Ian with a genuine expression telling him "I'm glad youre happy Ian, I really am, its all I ever wanted for you so just be fucking happy okay, dont worry about shit that hasnt happened okay" firmly. Ian looked at her nodding his head replying "yeah thanks for everything you know the moving out and all that, you were right" softly knowing she would know what he meant. Mandy picked up on what Ian meant and looked happy with the answer as she told him "youre welcome" firmly.

There was short silence before she sighed and stood up telling them "so I'm out of here before I fall asleep, later losers" before she walked away to the sound of both Ian and Mickey laughing at her. Mandy just wished they waited until a reasonable daylight hour to tell her about this or even just a text would have been fine. But she knew Ian too well and that he probably needed to do it right now and to her face before he bottled out of it again. As she walked home she just felt happy for both of them because she cared about them and loved them both and was just glad they had each other.

Back in the bar Ian let out a tense sigh of relief as he leaned back in his seat and stretched his legs out under the table wondering why he thought telling Mandy would go badly. Mickey put his arm over Ian's shoulders pulling him close asking "you alright now" curiously. Ian nodded as he rested his hand between Mickey's thighs replying "yeah, just wish I done it sooner since she already knew" softly.

Mickey scoffed as he looked at Ian "would have been nice of her to say so" softly. Ian shrugged his shoulder replying "its okay, she said she wasnt thinking that I'd be overthinking things and apolgized, she felt bad so I didnt tell her that I didnt say anything because I was afraid she'd say me and you isnt a good idea, its why I kept putting the whole telling her thing off" softly.

Ian decided not to tell Mickey what she had said about him in the past because he knew it would hurt Mickey a lot and it was not who Mickey was anymore. Ian figured if Mandy couldnt see that then it was her problem and he wasnt going to make Mickey feel like shit because of her own ignorance when it came to her brother. Mickey lightly kissed Ian on the side of his head before slightly laughing "doubt you'd listen to her" lightly as he pulled Ian closer to him. Ian leaned into Mickey slightly laughing "fuck no" lightly.

Mickey ran his other hand across Ian's stomach hesitantly asking "we arent a bad idea right" shyly. Ian looked up and seeing the insecurity on Mickey's face quickly replying "no way" firmly. They fell into a comfortable silence as the bar got quieter and people started to leave as it was quite late when Mickey asked "you want to get another drink or go home" curiously. Ian sat up and turned to face his friend replying "lets go home, kind of tired anyway" firmly.

Mickey lightly smirked liking that answer as he was tired too and just wanted to crawl into bed with Ian and sleep. He stood up and took Ian's hand in his own and pulled him up with him replying "yeah lets get out here" firmly. Ian wrapped his arms around Mickey and kissed him before he looked at him shyly blurting out "thanks for putting up with me, I know I can be a bit" in a whisper as he fell silent.

Ian didnt get to finish the sentence as Mickey rested his hands on Ian's hips and kissed him again before looking at the redhead replying "youre fine and anyway I could say the same about me" softly. Ian looked downwards slightly nodding before looking up again replying "lets get out of here" softly. Mickey scoffed "fucking finally" softly. Ian put his arm over Mickey's shoulders just as Mickey pulled Ian closer to him by putting his arm around Ian's waist as they silently left the bar and went home to their apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I wrote too much the next chapter will be the final chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Six month time jump for the last chapter.

It was just starting to get bright when Mickey woke up and almost groaned at how early it was when he looked at the clock on the table beside the bed in Ian's bedroom. He tiredly rubbed his eyes as he pulled the covers up over his head and pushed himself back into Ian who was wrapped around him from behind him in the bed. He felt Ian pull him closer so they were glued together under the covers and tighten his arms around him and he almost smiled to himself at the way Ian always seemed to want him near him even when he was asleep.

Mickey lightly rubbed Ian's arm that was wrapped around his waist with his hand as he tried to fall back asleep but it looked like his brain had other ideas. The thoughts started flying around in his mind as he thought over the last seven months since Ian moved in and they were now sort of in a relationship for the last six months but they never confirmed anything.

Mickey really couldnt find it in him at all to ever regret Ian moving in and he was no longer be pissed off at Mandy for her idea of Ian moving into his apartment but he wasnt sure he ever was mad at her in the first place. He would never tell her that for once she had a good idea that paid off in a good way and not just because the rent got much easier with Ian contributing to the apartment.

It paid off because after a month of living and working with Ian their mutual flirting led to them kissing one night after work before they ended up in Mickey's bed for the night and it wasnt just a one night stand sort of event. Six months later they were still together and it felt strange to Mickey that he had a boyfriend or at least he thought he did have a boyfriend.

And it scared him even more that he loved Ian a lot even though he never voiced it out loud to Ian even though they had been sharing a bed since that night and could never keep their hands off each other either. The last seven months with Ian was the happiest he had probably been in his whole life and he still had that fear that Mandy would shit all over it by saying bad things about him to Ian.

But she never did and even though Ian knew he was afraid of that happening Ian always reassured him he would never let Mandy set a match to their relationship and ruin it in the process. But Mickey knew the truth and he knew who he had been in the past and he was afraid Ian would realize he could do better. He knew his sister wasnt a horrible person but he was just afraid Mandy would unintentionally say something to put Ian off him by saying he could do better then her brother.

Mickey just wanted to enjoy things with Ian before it all went to shit and he knew it would eventually because it always did in his experience. Mickey just really liked Ian and his worst fear was losing it all especially because of Mandy and her inability to think before she opened her mouth at times. Even though Mandy was happy for them and supported their relationship it still didnt stop that fear he had of abandonment.

It didnt stop the dread he felt at the thought of the apartment being empty again if Ian moved out and he didnt want Ian to leave at all. That thought alone scared Mickey because he never thought he would ever want or need someone so much in the way that he needed Ian. He could almost hear Terry whisper that he was a fag somewhere in the darkest corners of his mind for thinking that about Ian but Mickey just ignored it because he was so done with that homophobic bullshit especially from a dead person.

He also didn't want to think about it anymore especially with the way Ian's body heat was making him feel sleepy again and not want to move from the spot for the rest of the day. He had been too distracted by Ian to care at all about the teasing comments he got from people at work but then they never hid their touches and the heavy make out sessions on their breaks or their nights off when they were at the bar.

When Mickey realized he was fully awake and there was no chance of falling back asleep he turned around to face Ian. He looked over Ian's face as he pushed his leg between Ian's and wrapped his arms around his lower back and judging by the slight smirk on Ian's face he knew he was awake. Mickey scoffed "I know youre awake asshole" lightly. Ian softly laughed as he opened his eyes sleepily replying "I wake up early, cant help it" softly not adding I just liked lying here with you and didnt want to get up yet.

Mickey softly laughed knowing that was true mumbling "yeah whatever" as he pulled Ian closer to him in the bed. There was a comfortable silence before Ian truthfully mumbled "I like this" softly and not even caring that he just admitted his thoughts out loud. Mickey shoved against him with his body "what's that mumbles" curiously. Ian rolled his eyes and looked at Mickey repeating "I said I like this here with you" softly.

Mickey was afraid to put himself out there to be rejected as he thought this was his chance softly smiling "me too, so what are we then" cryptically knowing he was leaving it up to Ian. He didn't want to put himself out there if Ian wasn't serious about whatever they had between them for the last few months. Ian internally groaned hating that he had to answer this as he was hoping Mickey would be the one to define what they had since he moved in months ago.

But he knew Mickey well enough to know that he was insecure despite the bravado he put on at times in front other people. Ian felt that Mickey really trusted him if he let him see who he really was behind closed doors away from prying eyes. It was why he didn't want to laugh or make a joke right now so he swallowed the dryness in his mouth as he looked at Mickey telling him "was kind of hoping you were my boyfriend, its what I've been telling people at the bar when they asked if I was seeing anyone" not hiding the genuine tone in his voice.

Mickey bit down a smile as he looked at Ian's chest but he couldn't stop the small laugh escaping before he shyly whispered "yeah me too, didn't want to say it to you just in case you didn't feel the same" hating that he sounded so insecure. He knew it wasn't a lie as he felt Ian tighten his arms around him so he moved closer even though there was no space left between them and they were pressed right up against each other under the covers.

Ian lightly rubbed his hand along Mickey's ribs feeling the warm skin under his fingers as he rested his forehead against Mickey's as they fell into a comfortable silence. Ian was curious looking at Mickey asking "why didn't you say anything sooner" softly. Mickey lightly rubbed at the back of Ian's neck with hand as he kissed him again before hesitating "just I just didnt want to say anything until I knew for sure" shyly mixed with an evasive tone in his voice.

Ian picked up on what wasnt being said and didnt even looking away asking "you thought I'd reject you" not hiding the surprise from his voice. Mickey shrugged looking over Ian's shoulder noticing the room got a bit brighter and knowing he could never lie to Ian just insecurely told him "wouldnt blame you for it really" in a whisper. Ian hated that his boyfriend was like this replying "I'd never reject you, want you too much but I thought you'd reject me" shyly.

Mickey softly laughed looking downwards so Ian wouldnt see the embarrasment on his face replying "same with me about you" in whisper hating that Ian was seeing him so vulnerable and it didnt matter that he really trusted Ian and knew Ian wouldnt laugh at him over it. He was just too used to having a hard exterior and letting no one get close to him or get to know him but for some reason he broke all his rules for Ian not that he really cared about it anymore even if it scared him a lot.

Ian silently looked at Mickey who looked lost in his own head again so he changed the conversation deciding to ask a question that he had on his mind for a while "so you knew I was friends with Mandy right before I moved in here" curiously. Mickey scoffed looking at Ian and feeling glad of the distraction from his thoughts replying "course I fucking did, you were always in our house, I was just an asshole that ignored everyone" icily.

Mickey relaxed and didn't even care that he admitted "but I definitely noticed you a lot, liked you since back then" shyly. Ian softly laughed as he blushed so he looked downwards at Mickey's chest deciding to admit "yeah same with me about you, only I thought you were straight" softly. Mickey laughed at the straight part replying "yeah well I had to convince Terry I was straight" icily. Ian nodded as he looked down shyly replying "Mandy told me you came out in front of Terry" softly.

Mickey rested his forehead against Ian's softly laughing at the memory "yeah I fucking did, got tired of that asshole making me feel like shit all the time and no way was I going to kill some gay guys for the fun of it like Terry did all because he was just looking for a fight since he was fresh out of prison" icily. Ian shook his head not feeling one bit surprised at that replying "yeah heard the rumors about him gay bashing" softly before adding mumbling "but yeah I know what you mean" softly.

Mickey looked over Ian's face with confusion asking "oh yeah, how so" lightly because he wasn't sure anyone could be as bad as Terry. Ian wasn't really sure he wanted to say anything more but he figured if Mickey was being honest then he should be too. When he felt Mickey lightly shove against him with his body he realized he must have been silent for a while. Ian couldn't bring himself to look at Mickey while trying to figure out where to start.

Mickey noticed the way Ian looked tense and was about to tell Ian he didn't have to say anything but he was cut off when Ian told him "when my disorder started Fiona didn't want to know, told me I was another Monica and wasn't to call her if I needed help, my family pretty much disowned and avoided me even though they let me stay in the house" softly.

Ian shrugged his shoulder before looking up at his boyfriend adding "if it wasn't for Mandy I probably wouldn't be alive, she was there for me through all the highs and lows, helped me get money for the meds and therapy" softly. Ian swallowed down the dryness in his mouth before adding "she saved me from myself a few times too while the rest of my family didn't care, they went through it all with Monica and told me they weren't doing it again and that I wasn't their problem" sadly and hating that he wasn't able to hide the wetness in his voice.

Mickey noticed it but didn't say anything as he tightened his arms around Ian not even looking away from Ian almost growling "you don't need those assholes, you've got us" angrily and he knew he meant the words too. Mickey didn't look away adding "remember when the meds stopped working two months ago and you asked me to stay in your bed with you when you normally want to be alone and I told you you never would be, I really meant it, I'm never leaving you, you can try but it wont work" firmly.

Ian slightly nodded hating that he was still pushing people away replying "might not say that when the meds stop working and I get manic, that was just the first time and I was depressed but it will happen again, you might get sick of my shit" softly. Mickey wasn't having it "then we get new ones and we'll deal with it when it happens" firmly. Ian scoffed and looked up at Mickey to see he meant those words and it reminded him of when Mandy more or less said the same words when he got stable.

Ian didn't want to talk about it anymore as he pulled the covers up around them a little more adding "anyway it was Mandy's idea for me to move out of the house since I got the job at the bar, told me it would be good for me to get away from a negative environment and the shit from Fiona, guess she knew you needed a roomie" humouredly. Mickey softly laughed as he looked at Ian while resting his hand on the side of Ian's head replying "yeah he's a pain in the ass but I like him" lightly stopping himself from adding a lot more to the sentence.

Ian laughed lightly pinching Mickey in the ribs while looking at him wondering how warm and safe he was under the covers replying "fuck you" lightly. Mickey slightly laughed as he pulled Ian even closer to him feeling every inch of Ian against him not caring that he blurted out "yeah well the month's long passed so you dont have to move out, I like you staying here" firmly and he knew he meant it too.

Ever since Ian moved in Mickey learned a lot of things about the red head and was still a little surprised they were now best friends and boyfriends too. Mickey didn't usually do friends or relationships and he didn't want any but there was something about Ian that made him want to do things with him like watch movies, smoke some weed and drink some beer and talk shit most of the time.

He also learned that Ian had a really bad sense of humor and stupid lame jokes that werent all that funny but he laughed at them because Ian always laughed at his own jokes. Ian looked up at him replying "yeah me too" knowing it wasnt a lie. Mickey slightly grinned at him "I hope so since we've been fucking for the last six months" humoredly. They silently looked at each other both of them feeling comfortable in the easy silence before Ian lightly ran his hand along Mickey's shoulders not even caring that he said "just want to start living my life, feel like I never got to do it before, like I missed out you know" softly.

Mickey looked at Ian with a confused expression as he curiously asked "the fuck do you mean" lightly. Ian shrugged his shoulder looking downwards forcing out "just that I'm twenty seven and I feel like I missed out on things" sadly. Mickey felt there was more and before he could ask Ian rubbed his face with his hand adding "just trying to get my disorder under control meant other things got ignored" hating that he wasnt able to get his thoughts straight.

When Mickey realized Ian was in his own thoughts he lightly nudged Ian's knee with his own as he looked at him asking "go on" curiously. Ian swallowed the build up of saliva in his mouth and cleared his throat before replying "its stupid and it doesnt matter" not even wanting to say it now. Mickey wasnt having it lightly hitting Ian the stomach with his hand "fucking tell me" pleadingly.

Ian scoffed grabbing Mickey's hand in his own and resting it between their bodies looking downwards while whispering insecurely "no you will laugh" shyly. Mickey rolled his eyes trying to ignore Ian's warm skin from his hand and coming through his naked body pressed up against him replying "I'll be laughing with you, not at you" lightly.

Ian buried himself closer to Mickey while trying to ignore the way Mickey just pulled him closer while still holding his hand before finally whispering "just feel like life passed me by, the bipolar started when I was seventeen, I was in denial about it for three years and it took me another another two to get stable and find the right meds, the last five years I've just felt like I'm going nowhere while everyone else around me is moving on with their life, even Mandy but she never made me feel like that like everyone else did so dont say anything to her" sadly.

Mickey rested his forehead against Ian's hating that Ian put up with that for so long and he really wished Mandy had told him about Ian sooner replying "I wont" firmly. Mickey decided to just say what he was thinking and didnt even look away from Ian adding "I wish you moved in years ago, I wish Mandy had of told me about you sooner, I would have let you move in years ago so you could get away from your family" firmly silently hoping Ian would never want to move out of their apartment.

Ian stared silently at Mickey trying and not caring that he was failing to ignore the way Mickey was all over him but he felt so warm and safe and grounded for the first time in his whole life especially in the last five years that he didnt care at all. There was short silence before Ian whispered "I'm going to die alone, I know it and I dont even know to not be alone since I'm so used to it, being alone that is" sadly.

Mickey didnt hesitate "you wont and youre not alone because you got me" firmly. Ian bitterly scoffed "yeah until you find someone who wants you and leave me" in a whisper. Mickey wrapped both his arms around Ian "what makes you think it will be me leaving you, could be you leaving me" insecurely. Ian looked at Mickey replying "I'd never leave you but my own family did so why not, its not like anyone wants me anyway, I'm not even out for fucks sake" softly.

Mickey silently looked at Ian hating that Ian looked so lost and decided to be honest "I want you and youre out at the bar so its a start" firmly. Mickey rested his hand on Ian's hip blurting out "anyway youre out now, to me and Mandy at least and if I can come out to my asshole homophobic father then you'll be okay" humoredly. Ian rolled his eyes while lightly hitting Mickey in the stomach replying "fuck you asshole, I wasnt hiding it, I just wasnt admitting it to anyone" lightly.

He looked at Mickey adding "anyway you were the biggest fag basher in south side at one point so when did you get so not giving a shit about being gay" humouredly. Mickey wanted to say the second you hit a growth spurt and puberty while biting his lip instead replying "when Terry got killed, I decided not to give a shit once I moved up here, decided I was done with his shit and when he was killed I decided fuck it, not living my life in someone else's cage because of Terry's fragile masculinity, fucking straights piss me off sometimes especially the irationally homophobic ones" firmly.

Mickey slightly smirked at Ian asking "anyway is it really a fag bash if I'm one of them and I'm just trying to save my own ass" lightly. Ian laughed looking at Mickey replying "yeah I think it is, some of the guys and girls at the bar would hang you if they knew that, think its called internalized homophobia" firmly. Mickey just shrugged his shoulders muttering "whatever just because they got lucky and were accepted for who they are, its not like that in the southside" lightly.

Ian softly laughed nodding in agreement replying "yeah thats true but I wont tell on you" softly. Mickey lightly kicked Ian on the shin with his foot muttering "better not" softly before he intensely kissed Ian and tightened his arms around him and pulled them tighter together under the covers knowing he could never get enough of Ian. When they stopped to breathe Ian confessed "you know Mandy told me years ago and I quote that you were good for nothing, permanetly angry, selfish, obnoxious, emotionally closed off, defensive and definately not relationship material" lightly.

Mickey laughed knowing that was true because she wasnt wrong but he had his reasons for being like that back then and it was all out of survival and pretending he was straight. Ian was surprised when Mickey laughed and didnt look angry at all as he rubbed his hand along Ian's ribs and didnt look away when he replied "she wasnt wrong, I was like that back then, had to pretend I was something I wasnt and being in the closet makes you that way especially when you have a hatefully homophobic fag basher for a father" coldly.

Ian rested his hand on Mickey's hip as he looked at his boyfriend replying "you still kind of are just not with me" softly. Mickey softly laughed knowing his boyfriend had a good point "yeah thats probably true but I dont think I am as bad as I was" lightly. They silently looked at each other when Mickey admitted "I love you Ian" not adding and it scares the shit out of me. Ian softly smiled but quickly replied "I love you too" not adding I never thought I would ever have this with anyone and it scares me.

They lay there in silence for a while as weight of their conversation and confessions sank in as they both wondered if only they had met each other a lot sooner. Ian looked over at the clock muttering "time to take them but dont want to get up" tiredly but he made no effort to move from the spot because he was just too warm. Mickey knew Ian hated the meds so he didnt say anything about it and just lightly kissed Ian before telling him "go get them and come back in here, not letting you leave today, there's a reason I take the same days off as you" lightly not even caring that he just admitted that to Ian.

Ian laughed looking back at his boyfriend replying "it all becomes clear now, you just want me for my ass" lightly as he crawled over Mickey to get out of the bed. He left the room as he heard Mickey shout after him "got that fucking right" lightly as he moved over into the empty spot and turned on his side to face the door. Ian came back into the room with a plate of toast and slightly smirked at his boyfriend as he got back into the bed where they ate their breakfast in an easy silence.

When they finished eating Ian put the plate on the ground and lay back down to face his boyfriend who was already lying down and pulled the covers back over them as he silently looked at Ian. Ian felt the dizziness and nausea from the meds so he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and pulled him right up against him so there was no space left between them in the bed.

Mickey pushed his leg between Ian's legs and wrapped his arms around Ian and pulled him closer to him as he ran a comforting hand along Ian's spine hating that Ian had to go through this all the time. Ian lightly ran his fingers along Mickey's shoulder blades while resting his forehead against Mickey's wondering why his boyfriend was willing to put up with all of this but he knew it was the doubts in his head playing up again.

Ian knew Mickey didn't give a shit about his disorder but there were times when Ian questioned their relationship. He questioned if Mickey really deserved to put up with this because Ian felt like he shouldn't have to put up with it at all. He didn't realize he said his thoughts out loud until Mickey shoved against him with his body and lightly kicked his foot as he looked at Ian "I'm not putting up with you because of this, I'm here because I fucking love you and I don't give a shit about the disorder" firmly.

Ian moved up a little to face Mickey and rested their foreheads together as he looked at his boyfriend shyly asking "really" in a whisper. Mickey rested his hand on the side of Ian's head softly moving some his hair from his face and didn't look away when he genuinely told Ian "really, I'd still be with you even if you weren't bipolar, or manic or depressed, you're not alone Ian and I'm never going to leave you, you're under my fucking skin at this stage, cant do a fucking thing about it and don't want to either" firmly.

Ian softly smiled to him as he felt a warm feeling of acceptance wash over him shyly whispering "really" softly. Mickey scoffed "yes really, the fuck do you think" humouredly. A short easy silence fell before Mickey didn't even want to stop himself from admitting "but I do mean it, you're more important me than anything else, its just you and me and we don't need anyone else" softly. Ian slightly blushed and bit down a smile but didn't look away from Mickey knowing he meant it when he honestly told him "I believe you" softly.

Ian was surprised at that admission to his boyfriend and he realized that he really did feel happy and was determined to hold onto it because he felt like he deserved to be happy for once in his life. He knew Mickey made him very happy and he softy smiled to himself when he felt Mickey wrap his arms around him and hug him tightly while pushing his leg between Ian and pressing right up against him as he letting out a content sigh.

Ian grabbed Mickey's hips pulling him right up against him while silently looking at his boyfriend before kissing him intensely which became more intimate and Ian just felt really lucky he had someone who accepted him and his disorder. At first he thought Mandy's idea of moving into the apartment just had bad idea written all over it but if he had known that this is how it would turn out he would have done it a lot sooner. Ian just felt like he had a reason to live and he didn't feel stuck or lost with no direction in life.

Back in his old home in the southside with Fiona he knew it was slowly killing him and he was stuck in his own regrets. He was also afraid of his disorder and being alone because of it but now he wasn't afraid anymore. The regrets he had he would learn to live with because he was done looking back over every bad decision in his life and wishing he could change his past.

There was nothing he could do about it and he wanted to move forward which he had been doing for the last seven months and he knew it was the happiest he had been in a long time. He still had his doubts about his relationship and his job because at times when he got insecure it just all felt like too much and too good to be true. But he realized that every time that happened Mickey always reassured him and showed him that life was worth living and that nothing else mattered. Ian decided there was no way he was ever giving up on what they built over the last six months but he also had a feeling that Mickey wouldn't let him give up and Ian was really okay with that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, kudos-ing and commenting too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
